End of dating apps?
Very often users of dating apps do not find the ultimate love, but the ultimate… disappointment. More and more people decide to close their accounts.
Tinder, OkCupid, Bubmle, Hinge: these are the most well-known, just some of the dozens of dating apps out there. Such platforms have long been the first place singles turned to arrange a date – or, as it were, to meet love.
These apps now define the entire culture around flirting and dating. But at the same time, they are also disappointing more and more people – and indeed to such an extent that many decide to stop using them, even for a short period of time.
"I've deleted all those apps," says 42-year-old Eugen Herzog (a pseudonym), who has been single for five years. "People online do a lot of pretending, maybe I do too. Everyone wants to get messages from others, but they don't go through the process of replying or finally setting up a meeting. There is no real development in communication."
Johanna Winter (also a pseudonym), who has been without a partner for seven years, says for her part that "I never went beyond the first date with someone I met online, partly because I almost never met someone I could see he is happy with his life." As Winter also says, men are often very similar to each other. "They don't give me the impression that they've come of age – or they look like they're going through a mid-life crisis."
Love is also a matter of luck
Those who have gone through similar situations experiencing again and again this psychological transition from excitement to disappointment, go through a very soul-destroying process according to psychotherapist Vera Schweiger. And in fact "whoever already had the anxiety of rejection due to their previous experiences or faces self-esteem problems, such a condition can only confirm these fears".
Moreover, no matter how many times one updates or changes one's profile, finding the right match on a dating app is also largely a matter of luck – something that may or may not happen the first time if you're lucky. When.
That is why Schweiger believes that such applications should not have a dominant role in people's lives. "Time and time again I have people in my sessions who go on more and more dates while neglecting other things that fill them up, like their hobbies, friends or family."
All of this is what convinced Ricke Schmidt (who also wants to remain anonymous) to not even go through the process of downloading one of these apps after her breakup. "When my friends and colleagues tell me about it, I think: Five dates a week? This is like a regular job. To develop feelings for someone, I want to see them, hear them, feel them. Of course, I don't even order clothes online," says the 45-year-old.
The abundance of options and potential partners leads some to put off experiences they want to do and goals they want to achieve until later. Whether it's a trip of a lifetime to Thailand, or just taking dance lessons, many feel they have to wait until they have the right person by their side to share these experiences with. According to Schweiger, however, this is obviously wrong: Every person should focus on the now and what they want to live in the present.
"Take a break from apps"
Winter met all of her last relationships offline, "in bars, at work or on vacation." Herzog, for his part, has learned to love himself for who he is and knows that "I don't need a relationship to be happy."
Of course Tinder and all other similar applications offer things to many people, users get to know more people and live pleasant moments and experiences, as psychotherapist Schweiger says. "But when one understands that these platforms are not good for him, […] then he has to take a break for a while" - not believing that this is how he closes the door to his true love.
Edited by: Giorgos Passas
Source: skai.gr